JENNA'S JUNE DILEMMA: INDIE AUTHORING IS HARD.

A stack of eight damaged Deviant Vandals paperbacks.

There, I said it: self-publishing isn't all sunshine and rainbows.

Honestly, it's rarely ever sunshine and rainbows. Even when I'm writing, I sometimes find myself resisting the urge to rip my hair out or scream at the ceiling.

Then, I'll write something amazing, or I'll hop onto Goodreads and see that someone left a glowing review of Deviant Vandals, and the sunshine slips through. Glimmers of the rainbow appear. And I remember exactly why I started writing in the first place: to write stories people want to read. To put smiles on people's faces. To write characters that reflect parts of myself in the hopes that readers will see glimpses of themselves between my pages, too.

Then, days like today happen: I finally receive an order of 30 print books from Amazon's print-on-demand service... and every single book--that I paid over $200 total for--has arrived damaged.

Insert thunderclap here (because it's actually raining outside).

Granted, the damage isn't horrible on most of the copies--21 out of the 30 just have gluey spines. Not the end of the world, unless a reader happens to be touch-sensitive and can't stand the feeling.

But the other 9?

Scuffed and ripped corners.

Bent back cover. Dirty front cover.

Glue caked all over the spines.

Cue another thunderclap.

I know things aren't guaranteed to arrive perfectly, but all thirty paperbacks having some kind of defect?? After I spent over $200 of my own money to order them to sell at events in August?

It's enough to make a girl want to accept defeat.

And, in an even crazier turn of events, I'm not even sure I'll be able to get a refund on them.

Because--at absolutely no fault of my own--29 out of the 30 books did not get printed with a product ID and barcode on the back page. Which is one of the things that KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing) requires when filing a claim with customer support about damaged author copies. I told them that in the initial email, and they reached out this morning asking for them anyway. So, I had to take videos of myself opening the back of each book to prove to them they did not get printed with a barcode. Hopefully, that will be enough.

If not... I'm left with 30 damaged copies of Deviant Vandals.

But, like I said... the damage isn't horrible on most, so hopefully readers won't notice. Or, if they do notice, they won't mind a little uniqueness from buying a book directly from an indie author. I can only hope.

On top of writing my own books (because I'll be dead before I ever use AI to write anything for me), brainstorming marketing ideas, planning creating and scheduling content, and stocking my own store... I'm also in charge of PR and scheduling appearances. And, I had to make a difficult decision this week.

At the beginning of the year, I told myself 2026 would be the year I put all my typical concert-going on the back burner to focus on putting myself out there. I set a goal to attend at least seven book fairs. As of now, I'm scheduled for nine.

And last week, I signed a contract for my tenth.

Then... I had to back out.

I knew scheduling myself for three fairs in one month would be stretching myself a little thin, but initially, I told myself it would be worth it. "This is the year of the hustle," I said to my husband. "I think I just need to not overthink it and just do it." He enthusiastically agreed, said he'd help me, and it would be amazing.

So, I signed the contract.

Then, I realized, the liability insurance they wanted me to provide for myself (to protect myself, my books, the organizer, and the venue from lawsuits in case of damage or injury) would be too expensive.

At first, I hadn't thought anything of it when I read the fine print. I thought to myself, "I thought that's one of the reasons authors pay to attend these things--to cover the liability insurance for these events and whatever rent-the-space fees the organizers might have to cover--but oh well! I'll do it this one time. It couldn't hurt to have it and not need it than need it and not have it, right?"

Then, I started looking into it. And, boy oh boy, was it more than I was expecting.

Even through my insurance company, it would just add far too much extra to our monthly budget. And forget one-day liability insurance--just creating an account with the ACT and setting up a one-day policy would cost $50-150 depending on the amount of protection needed. Adding into that travel costs (I would be traveling four hours round trip and almost 300 miles, which is almost a full tank of gas), the event space ($60 for a 10 x 10' space big enough to accommodate my table with my interactive banner), plus books and supplies like bookmarks and stickers... I was looking at a $400+ investment for a four-hour event. I would need to sell at least 30 books to make a profit (if not more) and that's never a guarantee.

So, after talking it over more with my husband and sleeping on it, I had to send the hard email to the organizer with my sincerest apologizes and request that she remove me from the list.

Let me tell y'all something: I HATED THAT.

I nearly cried drafting that email. I was so excited to announce that I had booked myself for ten events for the year. And I was really looking forward to branching further out of my St. Louis comfort zone, but I jumped the gun. I didn't read the fine print fine enough. I should've slept on it a little longer before getting my hopes up.

And, of course, I'm such a people-pleaser at heart, so the fact that it's been over a week since I sent that email and I still haven't heard back from the organizer, I'm convinced I'm the most annoying author they've ever dealt with and they hate me and I'll never be allowed back for future events. So, that's a blast.

But, nevertheless, she persists, because while indie authoring is hard, it's still pretty fucking awesome.

Example # 1

I've got a new logo. I don't know if you've noticed it yet on the homepage, but it's awesome. I'm so excited to eventually order new business cards and a table runner for my events! As always, Katie was awesome to work with. I cannot wait to work with her again for book two's cover!

A full spread of Jenna's new logo, complete with fonts and color palette.

Example # 2

I've made so many great connections this last month. A coworker from another department I never cross paths with sought me out this week because he heard about my book and wanted to ask me about it! We'd never met before, but apparently, other coworkers are psyched enough about my book that word is getting around, and that made my heart soar! I've also been engaging with readers on social media who I met at Meads and Reads on 6/6, and it's been so fun to keep the relationships growing! And, when I sent a PR box to a friend, the post office worker said, "Oh, you're shipping a book, huh? Mind if I ask what book? I'm looking for a new read!" So, guess who got to pitch her own book to a local reader in the wild?! ME! He even wrote the title down (because I didn't have my QR code lanyard on me) to look it up later. It was thrilling!!

Example # 3

I found a new editor for book two. She came highly recommended by two other authors, and while my last editor (Malory) was great, Ramona's rates are much more affordable for my part-time, self-publishing budget. I was a little nervous about that at first, because "it sounds too good to be true", but with two glowing recs from authors I know, I decided to take the plunge. I'll have the first round of edits back by July 17th, and the second round should hopefully be finished by mid-September, which puts me right on track for a fall release! You should have The Detectives of Defiance book two in your hands (hopefully) before HALLOWEEN! Who knows... maybe I'll even have advanced copies at Books by the Arch on October 17th!

So, yes. The burnout is real. The stress be stressin' me. Indie authoring comes with so many moving parts, ups and downs, highs and lows. All the little things build up into one huge boulder that sometimes threatens to crush me. Don't even get me started on my personal life on top of it.

But one thing's for sure:

I wouldn't change a single thing about it.

This is the life I've dreamed about since I was a little nine-year-old weirdo writing super cringey NCIS fanfiction in her bedroom when she should've been sleeping. Yeah, right now, it's kinda hard to juggle, but I'm not throwing in the towel yet. Because, one day, it's gonna be the dream that becomes my day job.

And I cannot wait.

P.S. Don't forget to subscribe for all the latest updates on The Detectives of Defiance, and if you haven't already, add Deviant Vandals to your TBR! <3