ANOTHER JOURNAL ENTRY

Jenna Malin
Sep 24, 2021
2 min read

Hey y'all. Jenna here with another dilemma.

Have y'all ever just.... really wanted to start over? Like quit your job with a day's notice and just... thrive?

I want that so bad.

I'm sitting here after another terrible week working at my retail job... and I am just so drained. A close friend told me this morning that "that job sounds terrible for you. quit it." And it has been bothering me ever since.

This is the first time in the 6+ years I've worked at this place that I am actually considering it. Like I am on Indeed right now surfing through all these job openings in my area... and I am just DREADING IT. It all seems so impossible. I don't feel qualified for anything... BUT retail.

And the cycle of feeling helpless and stuck and totally inconsequential continues.

I made a post saying that I wanted to leave and even my own coworkers are telling me "DO IT. DITCH IT. QUIT IT. RUN AWAY."

But.... to where? Where am I supposed to go?

I am topped out on our pay scale, on my way to making bi-yearly bonuses. I have great benefits and everything. Financially... this job gives me more than I need. But I feel so empty, so hollow. Like a robot. Just going to work and going home. Going to work, going home. And, don't worry, there's lots of crying in between the coming and going as well. I feel starved of all the things that used to make me happy.

I don't paint or draw anymore. I don't run or play basketball anymore. Who has the time? Who has the energy? Not me. I can barely get a good night's sleep between all my errands and chores and therapy and doctor visits, just day-to-day adult life. Not including my actual forty-hours-a-week job.

I feel lazy. Worthless. Miserable.

And that is so not fair. I have busted my ass for this company and for what? A 401K and severe depression?

So, please, buy my books. Share them on your socials. Leave reviews everywhere you can. Cause I am fucking drained, y'all. And I wanna keep writing things for you. I wanna make content you guys will love. I want to succeed at something I love doing...